`Perceive`

Hahah! You Lose!!

Those were the very words I wanted to say to her face.

Anyway, things are getting worse everyday between truth and plasticity. It really sucks that we have to let some things go by "unnoticed" as if nothing happened. Really, as if...

I'm not really in any mood to go brag about anything so I'll just update everything this week.

By the way... it's exam week!! 

There are times when you think you had it all - the perfect family, the best friends, the great boyfriend/girlfriend. You can't help but imagine life without them and you turn miserable. That's when you realize that you rely on them. Of course, for strength - emotionally, for comfort, for security... for your own sake.

 After all these, you live your so-called "close to perfect life" and that's when you fall apart. Well, at least not all of you. I've witnessed a lot of friends get frustrated, my parents get separated, and my brother having no group mates despite all his friends. And no, these people don't really have anything in common except for the fact that I know them.

Anyway, to get to the point I'm writing this because I'm more than frustrated. I'm miserable. These people that I've mentioned - friends, relatives, bf's/gf's - are all part of this thing. No matter how close we can be to them, we still shouldn't rely on them. Of course, it's not possible or so we thought.

The more that we lean on them for our comfort, the more that we expect something from them. And because of that, we learn to depend on them - to hold on their promises. The more that we do, the more that we get hurt. Sometimes, even the closest person that we call friend can't be there for us just when we need them the most especially if we catch them unprepared. And sometimes, the people that we thought was our knight in shining armor or our fairy princess just couldn't be there in time to help us out. In fact, sometimes our parents can't even stand beside us when we thought they're our last resort.

Of course we can't always have what we want and our disappointment will always be there - but haven't you thought?

This is the reason why many people get hurt - they (we) depend on other people that's why we end up in disappointment or worse.

They say that no man is an island, perhaps right. Our source of joy are these people around us... but they're also the ones that cause us so much pain.

wTF!!

 ANYONE PLEASE!! I REALLY NEED HELP!!!

 I cannot login into certain sites but when I use other PCs, the computer connects. What happens is that when I type in my username and password (which are correct), it only loops back to the login form... again and again!

I tries doing the instructions in the HELP FAQs but it's no help like that about the deleting the cookies and redoing it again.

Anyone who knows what to do, please comment on this.

Thanks!

I haven't updated.. again for quite a while.

I was really busy and I think this life has taken a toll on me.. Yes, it's not my original line... Remember Maroon Five? Errr.. Anyway, so many things have happened since this semester had started...

So here it goes for a quick round up:

**HeCtic... Career WoMan?!**

Aww, come on.. Naniniwala ka ba?

Hahah! Yeah I'm pretty serious...

• Pintados..

So., ang dami naming napasukan na kung anu-ano. I renewed my CBA Concepts membership... It's the Business Ad's production. Well, I was there last year but believe me, the only good contribution I had there was being the Emcee for the Business Ad's general assembly. So, so, ayun! Ngaun... active member ako!! Witwiw!! Hihi... ^_^

In connection with that... I got into this mural contest in CET's Science and Technology Week... chuva... I was with Ern and Mich, two classmates and also members of Concepts. Hmm... we didn't win though. It was really disappointing but I wouldnt post my personal insights on that... mananahimik muna ako, ayoko nan gulo dahil lang dun no!! Pero, it was really disappointing in my part.

...not to mention that I wasted one pair of uniform for that! Imagine, my uniform looked like an abstract work of art with splashes of paint.

• business bitchy bitch bitch...

Then, we've been really busy with our prelim exams and... other activities!

amfoootah.... other activities daw oh? Ako ba toh? boi...

Yep, I'm freaking serious. Last week we went to Araneta again then next week we're gonna have this field trip to this Trade Expo in Megamall. Next to that... We're going to start our training in JAPI. How I wish I get into a good group to make a good company.

• Web Geek

Umm.. I've also made a website. It's currently under construction but I'd be really glad if you guys come to check it out...

**My DiSaPpoiNtments**

Dang rami... napakarami at halos di na mabilang nan daliri ko kahit sobrahan mo pa ng isang daliri na meron ding kuko sa gitna nan kamay ko...

I really had lots of complaints and brags... and it includes my eternal battle with myself. Awwwwe., I hate myself.

• The perfect concoction for failure

I've written this in my other blog. I guess in friendster or what...

Anyway, there's this competition where our delegates lost the place for the Top Five. It was really disappointing knowing that we're a good school and we always manage to get there!

Then I could've let it go but when I knew who some of the members were... amf., wala nang tanong - tanong... sigurado na! Mga ningas kugon! Yup... a bunch of ningas kugon - meaning people who are really good at convincing others that they can do something or achieve something; or people who at first are really hardworking and persevere but... suddenly, parang bula - like bubbles, **POP** they're gone into thin air as if they weren't there...

Oh, it's so sad... I hate those guys... Here are some lines from these people:

• **Blind item Ningas Kugon #01 : really good at starting something with words...

 She goes like "oh, we can do this or that then we'll get this or that! I definitely know how to do this, where to get that, and we can succeed!"

pretty convincing, huh?

then., she even goes like, "Okay, this is what we do... (gives instructions and then suddenly says) but I can't be around, I have this fashion show. Can you guys do that while I'm not around!?

so you think she'll be around... the next time around? so you think she did her part while she's away to somehow contribute something and help you out? but you're wrong. Here's a sample of a text conversation:

you SMS her about her progress and ask her if she's done something and she says, "umm.. I haven't finished it yet. But I will, I'm sorry but I'm pretty busy with our project in blah blah blah."

now you feel assured that she's still, somewhat do it. but then., a few HOURS or one day before submission she sends you a message saying...

"hey, I'm really sorry but I have tonsillitis... I can't type anything!"

Hmmm.. I thought tonsillitis was the inflamation of the tonsil in the throat... But now I think the tonsil in on the hands and she can't type cuz her hands are inflamed. Now it made wonder - it's either her tonsil is found on her hands and it's inflamed so she couldn't type or she uses her mouth to type.

NOw, for the other blind item.. let's just say he has no talent at all... ^_^ cuz he barely gives a damn. his glasses can definitely fool you.

• Fuck the self righteous...

you know what that means...

SO.. that'll be the round up..

maulit muli.. hihi.. ^_^

this is me... oh, need more to say??

--> ang pinaka pudpod kong kataga kabilang sa mga sumusunod:

• ang pagiging rakista/emo whatsoever ay hindi lan sa porma nakikita... nasa puso at musika!
• i can't take the company of fake people
• bhoooooooooooooot!

so last sunday i went to church with jess... en it sort of freaked me out when he didn't want to me wear my "weird" outfit, or rather the more than the usual jeans and shirt outfit of mine. it kinda sucked. no, it really sucked... i mean, ano ba?????? but of course, i had to let it go. it's the piece of me he'll never see again unless accidentally. i want him to get used to that side of me, my weird sense of dressing up not caring if they think it's funny, autistic or whatever bullshit... but it's not gonna happen anytime soon...

and then...

tomorrow i'm going to get my classcards... it's gonna be boring and fun... oh, the irony of things. 

libre mangarap...

ito ang pangarap naming banda...matuloy kaia???? hehehhe.... can you imagine i juz made this ticket for us!! oh... dreaming is for free!

Everything is supposed to be fine... only if some people would just cooperate and make it right. The problem is, they have their own shit to set their own things 'right'.

Asaaaaaaar!

So, the evening was fine... I mean, Jess and I went to church, then stayed here at home and I was to do everything as I have planned it. I would do the marketing presentation when Jess leaves. We had a great time... a routine to say but not really. Awe, nevermind.

Anyway, things went wrong when I opened our marketing report. One, there was a missing part! Then, there were lots of wrong crap!!!! I know, somehow it was my fault - I should have checked everything before the submission. But, but, but... ano bah!!! Kasi naman, nakakapagod na lahat ako mag aasikaso, having to chase missing groupmates and shit! tapos, you end up with their wrong work! Hindi ko sinasabi lahat mali, in fact, I appreciate their effort. Un nga lan, sana tinama man lang nila. Oo, dapat binasa ko mabuti lahat... but after all the struggle they put me through, trust me, I lost all my enthusiasm in this project.

So there... takte, pinoproblema ko tuloy pano to gagawin ng maayos. Ah! Lagi na lang ako malas sa ibang groupmates... pero alam ko, may mali din ako... kaia sobrang fed up na ko! sino ba naman kasi ang gaganahan??

Then, there's still my project in Biology... pero yun lang presentation ang pinoproblema ko dun...

Haaaayyyyy, eskwelahan.. pwede naman hindi ganito... Kung hindi lan sila nagpalate nan pasa, eh di sana.. ah ewan!

Can you just believe this, sino ba siya sa akala niya ang yabang yabang niya! Buset super!!!

Mali ba na maging best friend ko yung ex ko?? I mean, I would fight for the friendship that's worth fighting for... whether he's my ex boyfriend or not. Kasi naman....

Ganito yun, yesterday nitext ko si VJ nan simpleng message na "Ei.," at ayan, saulo ko pah yung nisend ko sa sobrang haba nung message. So ganun, later on nagtext siya nan "Wag mo nko text" so I was like, huh? taray ng lolo mo! Nagreply naman ako ng "di wag, sungit ni2". It made me wonder though...

Next thing I know, ang kanyang napakaganda at napakabait na girlfriend ay nagtext sakin through his fone!! At wag ko na raw bulabugin ang BF niya, and that I go bug my own BF (all in tagalog)... so medyo na peste ako. As in todo! I mean, takte... inaano ko ba BF niya, eh yung conversations namin kung tutuusin puro tungkol sa lovelife ko at nung kanya, walang pakialamanan! Ang bruja, kala mo kung sino... I called up Janey and she got really pissed off too...

Kasi naman, Cindy the great GF should learn to respect the FRIENDS of her BF kahit di niya kaibigan. I mean... Haller!! Highschool pa lan, magkakakilala na kami, bago nga maging kami ni VJ, we were friends so why not continue the friendship after our break up, right? Tapos eentra siya ngaun na para bang naghahabol ako. Sobrang kaasar, ayoko kasi sa mga taong tamang hinala tapos MALI NAMAN PALA!!

So there, it's really annoying... i mean, if you got her message... you'd get pretty pissed off yourself. yeah, it seems like Im makin' a big deal out of this pero kasi naman, wag xang ganun... nakakaburaot! sobra...

So, I called the fone... malamang xa ung sumagot at ang lola mo... BASTOS... wala daw akong magagawa dahil selosa talaga siya blaH BLah blAh and before I could finish my statement CINDY HUNG UP ON ME!!

DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU MANNERS!?????????

Granted, you are mad no wonder cuz Im an ex girlfriend... but have she ever thought that she was flirting with VJ even before he broke up with his then ex-girlfriend Belle...?? It's like Karma, pare! Kaasar diba, tapos ngaun kala mo kung sinong over possesive na girl... siguro she's afraid na gawin na naman un ni VJ with some other girl kasi siya yung present GF ngaun...

Poor GirLfriEnd... kainis... she has to remember me and Janey... we have always been VJ's best friends even before she entered his life...

I was actually one of those who planned it but turns out, I was the one who wasn't able to come! Aba'y akalain mong ako pa yung nawala di bah!?? Now that sucks. I want to enjoy this xmas break - and most probably with my HS peepz cuz this is the only time when I get to see them and stuff. Ngaun na lang kami nagkita-kita ulit except dun sa birthday ni Kerr kaya ito. So, katext ko si Lady and I said I want us to meet up juz to bond whatever so she said that Senio wanted to go to the movies.

I agreed. Set the date. And damn I never thought I wasn't able to get a single penny to get myself going!! I was totally broke! I didn't get to join them going to the mall and watching the movie the whole afternoon. The worse thing is that they went out to Padi's Point. They told me to come over since I wouldn't have to spend that much but man, I am BROKE with the capital "B" and the bar's entrance is P150 and I only have a pathetic P40! How was that for the event planner who never get to go to the event na ako pa mismo yung isa dun sa mga nag plano!!?? Ahhh, kamusta naman!!

Heart breaking really....

So that was yesterday. What did I do? Hmmm.. I just made some accesories for myself and I actually enjoyed it. I was also on the phone with Jette til like 2am this morning.

Anyway, the day before yesterday was somewhat an addition to "His Face Was Everywhere". Bakit ba naman kasi lagi na lang na may association kay Jhay yung mga nakikita ko!! Asar todo! I was on my way to Cakelines to buy some meryenda at isang sulyap lang sa labas at ayun na, muntik na ko magmukmok!! Akalain mong parang si Jhay yung nakita but this time, hindi niya talaga kamukha yung guy. It juz happens that the guy was tall, wearing a "trasher" outfit in black, long wavy hair tied to a pony at the back of his head... urgh!!!

*__**__^_x_kiMi_x_^__**__*

Same concept.. different stories.. same characters...

Tan'na..nagago na naman ako nan lecheng tadu na un!!! ahhhh, its so nakakainis talaga! sobra!!

Last Thursday, nagyaya ang tadung jhay na magmeet kami (at nan friends niya) at magpainom ako. I refused... 1. nu ko, basag? 2. besides, la ku money... so he insisted at sila daw bahala. fine, edi go! besides, jayvee was (would be) there...

Three days later... I'd find out na aku daw ang nagyaya sa dorm ko... take note of that.. kamusta naman!?? nakakaasar lan talaga. i mean, wala na nga ko halos dignidad cuz im like sort of "liberal" (bullshit) "soo party wild" (whatever) and loves to "flirt" (haller.. i dont go beyond the borders...) tapos gnun pah!!? lecheng nilalang talaga un! so... ahhhhhh!!! ewan!! Highblood ako, swear...

medyo gusto ko siyang puntahan at hilahin lahat nan hikaw niya sa katawan! shit, marami yun!

anyways, that's what im bragging about. practically a shallow thing to whine over but... naasar ako eh. todo affected. sana kasi dati anu2 na rin ung sinabi niya bout me when we broke up. tapos ganito..malamang tama si ana na hindi ako dapat nagtiwala.. pero di ko naisip yun. Nagyaya lan naman siya, wlang ibang intensyon (para sa'kin ha) kaya wala akong naisip na ganun na naman... naleche na naman ako...