`Perceive`

wTF!!

 ANYONE PLEASE!! I REALLY NEED HELP!!!

 I cannot login into certain sites but when I use other PCs, the computer connects. What happens is that when I type in my username and password (which are correct), it only loops back to the login form... again and again!

I tries doing the instructions in the HELP FAQs but it's no help like that about the deleting the cookies and redoing it again.

Anyone who knows what to do, please comment on this.

Thanks!

Rain, rain, has gone away. Don't come back any day... You've ruined my weekend!

D@mn. i never really cared less until it struck.

The typhoon- Milenyo... ruined much of our weekend and a lot of lives. And just when I had so much to finish, he kills off everything.

Wednesday night:

Fe, Jen, Lou and I were doing our thesis paper in a computer shop in Dasma. It's draft was due the next day. Then, my mom called saying that classes were already announced to be suspended for Tuesday. So, it was like a two day vacation - Thursday for the storm, Friday for the charter day... and life resumes on Saturday for Law class.

I thought it would be simple as that. We would be finishing things at home, meet up at Thursday and finish the project while it's raining and have some food trip right after that.

Thing is... things didnt turn out exactly as planned. To begin with, the suspension of classes had already ruined much of our schedule.

Thursday...

So there, I woke up by eight, expecting a text message from either Fe or Jen confirming out meeting at my place. I was already home in Cavite City the evening before so we'd be jamming over my house. Before any message arrives, there was a black out, the wind got worse. Sooner or later, the roof from the Grandstand was blown off. The Grandstand is a actually a set of wooden bleachers with a roof. So there, the roof crashed into my Aunt's house. The long slabs of wood hit directly unto her bed, the roof was literally torn open and the water came pouring in. We took her stuff out of the room, I was all wet and I tried to more quickly, fearing the roof may crash in anytime.

Yeah, it was a risk every time I went back into that room. It was scary. But this is the Philippines, no government funds will rebuilt our house, no insurance to cover the destroyed things... so we ought to save it all. And yeah, the f*cking government don't give a sh!t, it's a part of a public property maintained by the government but hell they won't give a single penny to those it ruined. it's their fault in the first place, there was poor (or no) architecture, it was built on low quality materials (take note, in my lifetime of 18 years, it was blown off twice, and four times in total since the high quality grandstand was torn down due to a really big storm and it was old back in the 70s. since then they used low quality crap).

...afternoon

the crash happened at 10am. The eye of the storm passes at like 1pm. It was freaky, but I sort of loved the tension it created - scary, traumatic, there's a tinge of death somewhere. For a moment, some of our neighbors helped us. Somehow, I felt like we're not really hated here. Maybe it's only me... or my father who's long gone from here. Then the storm began. I was at the terrace and I saw flying rooftops for the first time. It didnt last as long as the first hit, nor was it as hard.

Breakdown... breakdown... dead

That afternoon it ended. Bobby and I roamed around several streets out of curiosity and the urge to dip our skinny feet into the water. There was a flood, with it flowed debris and piles of wood, leaves and everything else. There were crashed walls, destroyed rooftops, torn trees.

The following day was a scenery of the aftermath. The sunny morning gave a clearer sight of its horror. No, I'm not really devastated and scared. I was more of annoyed - there was no power, no signal, no water (and I have to get fetch from the Pozo)... tell me how much worse can it get?

Anyway, we have electricity now. Only a few parts of the city has light... I want to thank two - 1. God... 2. a special person who made it possible but wouldnt take credit so I'd keep your name a secret anyway. So... there...

I was out of touch with technology for four days. It was really horrible... but nonetheless, fine. It didn't screw much of my life. We're just hanging on a few days preparation for our defense... arrgg... I'm sarcastic, just for the record that you might not understand.

 **I'll have the video uploaded and pic posted...**

How long have I not updated this?? Err... anyway, here goes nothing.

Here goes a quick recap of my autobiography...

People have always thought I was a rich kid since I was young. I had good clothes, spoke English pretty well that they even thought I was born and partly raised in the US, had a very expressive attitude which made think I was of foreign breed since I had these point of views since I was a little kid (I was too... mean, unlike the typical Filipino kid who's shy and always smiling), and I always got what I want. Somehow I had the power to convince in many ways.

It was pretty surprising for most that I was the daughter of an unemployed drunkard and a medical technologist who raises the whole family with some help from her dad and the mother of her dear husband who can practically do a lot but would rather sleep himself to death. My mom and grandpa gave me everything. My dad used to love me but he hated me when I got more of my mom's attention as he was getting worse.

And so, there went my life. I never felt the need for money except for those really expensive things. I've always known the limit but I was fine since I didn't really ask for those, I was content with what I thought was... simple. I had expensive clothes, expensive shoes, money to buy whatever I wanted (that I knew I can afford) whenever I want, I could eat out and hangout anytime anywhere, my family goes out every now and then, we could have whatever food we want no matter how many gourmets it would be, and I loved it! We wouldn't last a day with just one viands, rice wasn't the staple food - it was the viand rather. We ate more ulam than rice itself, contrary to most (which I found surprising at first).

By that time, I know I'm not rich. I know I'm middle class and every middle class was just like me.

Well, I was wrong.

My grandfather died, my mom's salary didn't get any bigger despite the f*cking economy that's ruining our lives, the peso-dollar exchange went up (so the pension gets smaller), we had tons of bills to pay for, I got into college, I needed monthly allowance for my dormitory and making ends meet, and I had a lot of other expenses... including my fervor for so many things that I'm used of having.

Now I'm lost... all of a sudden.

I felt the pressure of this "luxurious life" when all along, it shouldn't have been that way.

I feel terrible for the following things:

• I can't buy clothes that often anymore. I had to wait for the time when I really have more money.
• I can't invest on shoes...
• I have to finish off everything on my plate even if I'm full cuz I get to think of the money I spent on it... but I'm never used to doing it... My grandfather always said, "dont force yourself what you cannot take anymore"
• I have to less viands... and just one class...
• I have to lay low on expenses
• I can't force my mom to buy me stuff
• I always have this excuse "I need to treat myself" so I could spend extra instead of saving my money - and I end up broke... and asking my mom or my aunt for more. take note: My dad is gone. No he's not dead, he's just somewhere out there...

These are just some of the crap in my life. Pathetic I know... but there's a point why I wrote this and not just to brag.

I lived a life that I wasn't suppose to be living - I was pampered too much in a lifestyle that can be easily taken away and now I'm BRAGGING about LITTLE THINGS... which I shouldn't be doing.

 

 

 

going out... going around...

 

I know of what I can do, in fact I'm lucky of going into DLSU, and not really being outcasted cuz I'm broke and everyone's into this training in Makati while I'm in Leave-Of-Absense cuz I can't afford it.

I'm still blessed, and I should be thankful that I can still have these things.

I should stop being too vain... but I guess I really don't. I just have to.. err.. control it?

Oh, my life... I feel awful for being so pathetic. But at the same time, I love being pathetic - then I have something to write.